A Short Guide to Comparative Religions
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Taoism            Shit happens.
Buddhism          If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam             If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism     Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism           Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism          This shit happened before.
Catholicism       Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna      Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism   Send more shit.
Atheism           No shit.
Jehova's Witness  Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism          There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism       Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism    What is shit anyway?
Stoicism          This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism    Let's smoke this shit.